Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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