there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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