yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
