JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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