Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
