One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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