ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
