yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
