fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
