dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
