it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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