Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
