that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
