watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
