Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
