what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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