My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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