Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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