just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
