Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
