I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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