Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.