Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize