I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.