You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
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There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
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You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?