What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So. Much. Porn.
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