She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
