Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
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Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
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How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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