turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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