So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
