I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
