Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
