i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
