I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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