pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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