I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
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She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
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k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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