I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
