Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
