I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
