you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
