I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
