she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
