You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You pole danced in your parka.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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