Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
