a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
