her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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