I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
