I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
