I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
