So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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