I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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