I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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