You really coming over, don't trick.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Enjoy the penises
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
