We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
