So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
