My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
