I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
