I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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