he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
