Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
