my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
