Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
