piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
