She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
