I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
