the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
