I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
