If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
