the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
