i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
zippers are such a cool invention
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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